This is the life?

Being a lady of leisure has allowed me more time. Time which was supposed to be spent writing. So far however I’ve mostly done a lot of cleaning around my house and catching up on television shows I was behind on (hello binge watching Orange is the New Black). I’ve also been making dinners, driving the kids around and generally turning into a fifties house wife which I never expected to be. I have organized the hell out of my office and crafting cupboard / room as well as made a family dinner chalk full of little things that I would never have had time to do otherwise. (Hell I even wrapped my napkins to look like roses – thank you Pinterest for being both a source of inspiration as well as a total time suck)

It seems every time I sit down to write something comes up. I have done a fair amount of editing and thinking about my work in progress (WIP) which is all well and good, after all being an author is the only profession where you can stare off into space and honestly say you are working. And admittedly those things all needed to be done. But I am ready to get going, aching to delve back into the world I am in the midst of. I find myself unable to sleep at night (I saw three a.m. the last two nights as my muse decided to chat with me, in the guise of my current characters) and I figured out plot lines and new characters came and said hello. Of course all of this brilliance is forgotten in the light of day and I have no idea what phenomenal plans my brain came up with. Argh. It’s enough to almost make me want to return to work. Almost.

I haven’t mentioned too much about my current WIP, I have been asked to write for ‘Wiccan Haus’ a great series that I really enjoy about a supernatural spa and wellness center. It’s a collective world – for those that don’t know what that is let me tell you. The main author, Dominique Eastwick, has created this fabulous world, and all the main characters. She wrote ‘Shifting Hearts’ the first book in the series (and it is a scorcher – Rekkus is ever so yummy) and since then she has opened the world up to other authors. So we write in her world and following her rules. I believe there are 13 novellas currently in the series and each one is as good as the last. So I am writing in her world and loving every minute of it. My main character Michelle, although a troubled young woman who has been through a lot in her life, is a joy to write. She is coming out of her shell and developing, over the course of the book, into a wonderfully in depth strong woman. I won’t say too much more about the story line (wouldn’t want to give anything away after all) but I really am enjoying what is happening.

Today I foraged out of my house, determined to get some stuff done and thinking if I followed old paths, the way I’ve always written, where the television, the dishes, the dog and a million other things weren’t distractions, I’d get more done. I get to the coffee shop (my second choice since my usual haunt was packed with people and absolutely no parking was to be found), and find myself overwhelmed by the humanity. The people moving around, yelling, talking and laughing. I’ve been so alone lately that this is making my spidey senses go crazy. I can’t stop looking at everyone and wondering what they are doing? Why they are so loud? Who they are? That and running into five people who knew me and had to say hello didn’t help matters. Add to that fact that I forgot my pen (without which I cannot edit) and todays visit to the big bad world is a lost cause.
I can’t focus, I can’t edit, damn. But my tea is warm and I didn’t have to make the cinnamon bun I just ate. Never fear my lovelies I will soldier on and find a way to focus and write.

How life changes

Wow, its been a while since I last wrote a post. A lot of major changes have been happening for me and I really needed to get my head on straight before writing too much. For the last five and a half years I have had the pleasure of living out one of my dreams. Being a store owner met with all my hopes and dreams. I was lucky enough to have a husband who believed in me and was willing to support me emotionally and financially through this possibility. So after ten long years of planning and saving I opened The Magic Box in April 2010.

Along with being a dreamer I have the curse of being a realist. When we opened our doors it was with a very clear and precise plan. I had certain goals that had to be met by year five or it was time to pack it in. Unfortunately those goals weren't realized and so I had to say goodbye. I was lucky enough to find people to take over for me and carry on my vision while I step away from what has been my entire life for five years. I hope that the new people can make their goals and continue the good work that has been started with my store.

So it's been a very bittersweet time for me. Saying goodbye to a dream is never an easy thing. Matter of fact it's downright horrible. I've shed a lot of tears and had to come to terms with my failure. Even though many people tell me I didn't fail, it's hard to shake that image from my head. That's the bitter part, the sweet part is that it may continue on and be what I always wanted The Magic Box to be.

I've officially been unemployed for the last week (although lady of leisure sounds so much better). And after five years with only two weeks off I decided to take a wee bit of time to myself and just chill on the couch watching television and cleaning up, taking care of my kids - you know doing the everyday thing. I gave myself some time to get over this change. I believe I have come to terms with what happened and am ready to move on. I must say I am also incredibly humbled by my wonderful husband. Since closing the store he said take some time off. Don't worry about anything. We will get by. Take the time to figure out who you really are. Write, draw, watch tv and eat bon bons, just be happy. I hate it when people say how lucky I am to have gotten a husband like this but it is so true. I lucked out the day he walked into my life.

I've had other dreams over the last years and many of them are coming true. Being an author is one that I have thought out of reach - and that one is happening. I know it's time to move on, to build what I have started, to be the person maybe I was always meant to be (if only I'd had the confidence to try earlier). And so I will continue on my journey. Discovering me, learning about who I need to be. I'm ready to continue and I will fight on.